Well, here it is… Back to school time.  I tried, hard as I could, to stop time this summer.  Alas, the days rolled by… They were filled with dodging legos and shouting “get your summer reading done before the Xbox gets turned on!”  I was overwhelmed with “camp mommy” and the sand through the hourglass of this particular summer.

We made memories.  We laughed.  We traveled.  I am fairly certain that I even glimpsed giggles from my teen boy.  HUGE grumbles about “where are we going?”  and “what are we doing today?” led to memories and “wow, that was actually more fun than I thought it would be.”

I have dodged the “Back to School” section in Target since JUNE!  Yes, that’s right folks… JUNE (WTF, Target?!).   What is the RUSH?  Now, the school supplies have magically turned into ghosts and witches.  I’m sure there is a child-like metaphor there, but I cannot dive right in yet.  (Candy corn are way to gross and tempting, so I will again do my best to dodge that corner of the store)

Alas, the passage of time occurred and the day came.  Back to school… the “S” word as we call it around our house during the summer months.  Not allowed to be spoken, but now it’s here:  “S”chool.

There are three kinds of moms this time of year… the “OMG they’re FINALLY back to school, wooohoooo”… the “OMG they’re back to school and I miss them so much but I am going to get some order back in life”… and finally, the “Holy *#@!, they are back in school and it is too quiet so I will fill this place with the sounds of dogs, cat, bunny, goats, chickens, and hermit crabs.”  Guess which one I am.  I am unapologetic in this, you see.  Where there is love to give, there is love to recieve… can I get an AMEN?

The special breakfast with numeric candles signifying their grades is made.  The annual “what I want to be when I grow up” chalkboards are done.  At this point, I am banking on a NBA Exec and a hockey player.  Dream big, or don’t dream at all, right??   The day has come… for my two boys to begin anew this school year, inching one year closer to their dreams.

I will not cry.  I will not cry.  I will not cry.  Too often, we don’t even try to talk ourselves out of things.  Ohhh, not me.  The very fact that I cried my eyes out is yet another reminder the HE is holding the reigns.  HE has gifted me with the ability to cry.  The cherished emotions that HE has embedded into our souls reminds me of their purpose: to lean into HIM.

So, I hand over my “beginning of the end” tears as I watch my oldest boy saunter into High school.  Under his backpack, I swear he is headed into Kindergarten.  As I sit there, taking stealth photos of him walking into the building, I see his confident self.  I know that it is not me in him, or even him in him… it is HIM in him.  Lord, I am so grateful for the pep in the step you have given him today.  Now, for the love of GOD, help me dry my tears.  He is fine, just fine.   I am a puddle.

I arrive back home to the childish thrill of “Back to School” time in my fourth-grader.  He simply cannot wait.  The puddle quickly dries, as do my tears.  This boy, this very boy is happy.  Therefore, I am, too.  New school, new teacher, and five more years to become a puddle again at High school drop off.  Thank you, Jesus.

He has emerged into the best parts of his academic career.  These intermediate years will be filled with spreading his wings and learning to be himself.   Even the “second same” (you know, second child same gender~ the one who is big from the start… Lord help me) has his own journey to walk.  I cannot wait to witness it.

I will keep this summer in my pocket.

For all of the change and the identity crisis I feel today, I will seek… I will plan…I will pray for His will to be done in my life.  Mostly, I will count the hours until they come home from school.

And I will always, always, try to stop time :).

#spotthecross#stoptime#target#whythyfather#blogginforchrist